There must be other people who are going through a similar experience.. there must be at least one other family who can understand!
I have never been a person who believed in support groups, I thought that support groups were for people without friends. I was wrong. There are only a hand full of people in my life that know about what is going on. Some of them have spent hours talking and caring for us, some avoid us for a variety of 'reasons'. I don't blame them. What gets me, what really stings is that look in their eyes - some days its enough to knock my legs out from under me . You know the look, its as if someone I loved has died but wont stay in the grave- sadness, fear and pity all tied up into one little look. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!
So, every day I fear that someone will try to kill my husband and/or children. Every day I hope and pray that today is not the day. I know without any doubt that the day will come again, but please God, DO NOT LET IT BE TODAY! Each day I try to support my family in feeling safe and finding a healthy state of mind, body and emotions. Each day I play the 'pretend' game with a predator who cannot know that I know who she is, each day I love her and hate her and wonder which day I will hate her more than I love her. Each day I wonder, why?
Each day I try to be 'normal' - whatever that means.
So, are you out there? Have you had to live with a psychopath? I would love to hear from you, to know that we are not alone. Maybe we can help each other, give each other suggestions and pointers? Who knows, right?
I really, really wish I could talk to you. I am having questions about my oldest daughter and who wants to listen when I say, "I think my daughter is a psychopath". Is there anyway for you to contact me. My name is Heather Pellrin. You can find me on facebook and friend me. Then I will give you my contact info via messenger. I do hope you will contact me. I NEED someone to talk to about this to try to make sense of what is going on in my home.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you both! I believe my nephew might have similar issues. I'm not sure what to call it, but I am terrified of him. I watch as he easily manipulates anyone he crosses paths with. He threatens to kill us on a regular basis, last weekend he held a knife to my 5 year old's throat. He tells his sister he will slit her throat when she falls asleep. He threatens me, his mother, grandparents. When we take him to therapists they are so easily manipulated by this 11 year old boy it's crazy. He tells them what they want to hear. convinces them he's been abused. The counselors think we are crazy. He walks out sneering at us. The more counseling he has, the better liar he becomes. Calling the police has landed him in social services or juvenile detention centers, where he learns new cruel and unusual ways to torment people. I think my poor sister has gone mad. One moment he is saying the most awful things to her just to turn around and attempt to be sweet to get what he wants. What an eerie sight, fake smile, fake innocence. I hear it in his voice, almost a condescending laughter as he plays her like a instrument. I think it's easier for her to believe he's innocent than face the truth. He's taken to carrying knives around with him. We lock them up, but he always seems to find a way. We find them between couch cushions, stabbed into mattresses. He told her he was worried about people's safety and wanted a knife close by in case he may need to protect someone at a moments notice. I'm constantly looking for help, support groups, programs, anything. I'm afraid to have him near my children, my mother, even his sister and mother. But i can't leave my sister alone with this issue. I can't imagine what i would do if this were my son. We can't abandon him, we can't sleep with him. Did i mention he doesn't sleep. At all. His doctor prescribes medication to make him sleep. He pretends to take it, pretends to go to sleep. Waiting for you to fall asleep. I deal with this when i occasionally feel brave enough to let him spend the night on a weekend to give my sister a break. She deals with this every day.
ReplyDeletehi my name is cynthia dockery I would love to talk to all of you. my son is 12 years old he didnt have the easiest early childhood, lived with his abussive father for far to long. well anyways lastnight he drowned and slamed his causins bird agi.st the wall.all the time this is going on he takes pic. of the bird sending them to his causin asking her what was wrong with her bird. im scard to death idk what to do or where to start please help me u can find me on facebook my pic is of my youngest two children. please contact me,thank you cynthia dockery
ReplyDeletePlease help me.i am the grandparents of an 8 year old who may be a psychopath. Parents are highly educated ...medical profession.Special needs children and other is sports administration.Both in denial as we all are. What to do?
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ReplyDeleteMy daughter is in the rare subgroup of psychopaths who are female and highly intelligent, although not yet diagnosed. Since puberty, she's had problems with hurtful, deceitful and manipulative behavior; an inability to discuss or solve problems with others; and a callous disregard for their feelings. She comes from a close, loving family with two well-educated parents and two well-adjusted siblings. She is a successful business women who was married 2 years ago. We paid for the wedding and were, initially, hopeful about the prospect of a better relationship with her and our new son-in-law. These hopes were dashed after they had extorted additional inheritance money from us; refused to say “thank you”; excluded close family from the wedding list; and excluded and humiliated us at the wedding. True to form, our daughter will not discuss these issues and no longer wants a relationship with us. She is happy to see us at family functions but nothing more. After years of abuse, I am now saying "no thank you" to her. I am all out of tears and ready to move on in my life. Is it wrong to end a relationship with an adult child who is cruel, heartless and abusive? Why do I feel so inadequate and guilty? Looking for advice! KE
Deletehi. I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. My daughter did the same to me - I have no other children (thank God), but for years she ran around unlocking doors & windows of the house, letting people "hang out"in my house while I was at work, inviting them to help themselves to my possessions and eventually completely trashing the place. As a teen, she also snuck men into her bedroom to spend the night and no matter how many times I had the police over to remove them from the house, the next day or week I'd peek inside at 4am and there would be another guy. I spent 5 years locking my purse & belongings in a room with stout padlocks going up and down the door to keep them from "disappearing"; at night I locked the outer hasps into the "open" position and relocked the door multiple times from the inside in order to make sure I woke up the next morning. More than once I awakened to hear someone rummaging through my house and had the police remove a total stranger who'd torn it apart while waiting for them to show up. I took my daughter to shrinks and social services, but no one would help me; one even told me I needed to provide "more stimulation" for her and "suggested" I (for example) take her to the carnival in town that weekend. Gosh, that was helpful! I went to my parish priest only to be told "the apple didn't fall far from the tree". Excuse me? Two trees are required to make an apple - no pollinator, no apples! No virgin birth here! Father came from a very rough family though; everyone in and out of jail constantly - not that I knew that until long after she was born. My daughter was a quiet child until age 11, then all hell broke loose. Skipped the entirety of 7th grade - and when I found out, the school principal told me they'd never bothered trying to notify me of her absences because they didn't want her AT the school. Now she is 38 years old. Widowed once (suspicious circumstances), 2nd husband fled (she refuses to divorce him). In and out of jail, including at least 1 felony. Starved and neglected so many animals to death I can't count, but only taken to court for starving one to death. Yet she has a houseful of animals. One toddler taken away from "a non-survivable situation", yet she was free to breed and produce 2 more, which are used to get free housing and benefits. They also work as great pawns in "fun & games" involving their fathers. I moved to another continent to get away from her but with the wonders of the internet (cough), she's managed to consistently get my email address and emails constantly, 30-60 a day is normal. Her contempt for me is palpable, it's voiced daily, in between pleas for money and trying to use her current children as hostages for her favourite game of "what will happen to the kids if [you] don't (fill in the blank)". Every day I delete emails, the longer I go without answering, the nicer she gets. Answer any of them and it's "game ON" again for her. You need to break ALL contact with this inhuman animal you're forced to call "daughter", it's the only way to gain back your sanity.
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for sharing your story. Sounds like a bigger version of what I am going through! Must be so hard on you to have to pull away, especially when there are children and animals who are also suffering! Cutting her off seems to have helped, but the pain never really goes away, huh?!
DeleteThat's my daughter to the letter and I had to finally let her go at age 21 and can't associate with her even though I will always love her but it's too dangerous for me and my son to be around her anymore.
DeleteYour so right the pain doesn't go away but you sometimes just have no choice.
DeleteI am a confused mother. I have a wonderful daughter, very artistic, very smart, straight A's, never been in trouble. I have 4 kids, my daughter 13, 3 sons, 10, 8, and 6 years old. On Valentines Day, we were all together, pretty normal night. The youngest 2 had fallen asleep and my oldest son sat next to me watching me play a game on my phone. My daughter was behind me, with her head on my shoulder, as she often does. We were joking, having fun, when my son stood up and gasped. I felt my daughter take a butcher knife to my neck. Without hesitation, she dug the knife in and pulled. I grabbed my neck, turned around, my daughter was standing with the knife in her hand. I asked if she did that on purpose and stepped towards her to take the knife away. She let me take the knife, she didn't fight me. I placed the knife in the kitchen, holding my neck the whole time, not sure how bad I'd been cut. I took her hand and went to the bathroom, to the mirror, to see. A 3 inch cut was across my neck, but it was not deep, just broken skin. I turned to my daughter and went to place my hand on her shoulder, she screamed, don't touch me! She started telling me I should be mad at her, why wasn't I mad? I told her I love her and I am trying to figure out what just happened. My daughter and I have never been in a fight or even an argument, no argument at all that night. This completely threw me for a loop. I didn't understand. I asked what she was feeling, thinking, she replied nothing. We left the bathroom, my son was in the corner, holding a guitar like a bat, ready to swing. I came to him and assured him everything is okay, you can put down the guitar, he replied with tears saying he was going to swing if she turned on him. I took my daughter to the hospital, I didn't want to call the police, it was horrifying to imagine that this was happening, but she was my daughter, my love, my life, thinking of her in some cell was just as horrifying to me. At the hospital, I was viewed as an abusive mother. I realized the situation to someone not knowing that there was no abuse, no past violence, the drama. We lived a peaceful life in my house, my children excelled academically, I never left them alone or with strangers, never called names or hit, nothing like that has happened. We did crafts, art projects, cooked, etc.. I thought we had a love and respect and the being in the hospital, no one knew any of that. I was the problem, for I must have done something super bad to have my daughter take a knife across my throat. I was not allowed back in her room, I don't know what was said, but it seemed, my bright, smart, beautiful daughter was throwing me under the bus, so to speak. They told me she wouldn't give any details, but what she did say is, no child should see what I've had to see in that house. The statement shocked me! Children's Services was called, they spoke with my 3 boys, including my oldest son, who witnessed the events that evening and concluded she had to be lying. My daughter lives with her father now. I walk a line, wanting my daughter to know I love her, but keeping the boys safe. I sometimes wonder, had we gone to bed, would not all of us wake the next day? I love her so much, she's my baby girl, I never imagined that I would be so scared of her. I've attended 1 counseling section, she doesn't know why she did that, has no feelings about doing it, she's not sorry, shows no remorse. I'm so confused, hurt, never dreamed this could happen. Something is not right in her head, I am so afraid she is going to do something to someone, that I am going to get a call that she hurt someone. I struggle with being attacked, it would be horrifying if a stranger had done that, but for my daughter to do it makes it that much worse. The knife she used that night was dull, one you could run your fingers up and down with pressure and not get cut. Had she had a sharp knife, I would have died, I am really hurt and confused about it all.
ReplyDeleteOMG! Has Children's Aid conducted a proper investigation? Start by challenging any inaccurate reporting of informaton?! continue to talk as much as possible to as many people as possible about your situation...your daughter needs help! A diagnosis?! Medication?! Counselling! Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteHello! It's a breath of air to find out others who have a family member who's a sociopath. I have a 14 year old sister who I believe to be a sociopath--if I had to label her. My mom and I had a rare moment last night to really discuss everything that's going on in their house (I'm 27 and out on my own). My mind was blown when I learned about everything going on in their house. And when some of you have said that these children learn to manipulate better while seeking therapy...TRUE. my sister spent some time in a mental heath facility and came away in with crueler intentions. Right now my mom is to the point where she is too afraid to seek legal help, because my sister threatens her with having my younger brother (7) taken away. And honestly with the crap way the system works around here, everything my mom works hard for would be ripped away and my sister would walk away from the mess the victor. So my momis going to work on building a case against her--nanny cams, recordings, etc in case anything terrible happens. I'm honestly afraid for my familys' lives, because my sister has recently admitted to wanting to kill her boyfriend's mom because she's jealous of how her boyfriend's mom treats her son--as in, he's a momma's boy. What do we do as family members of sociopaths? Wait until the day they are locked up for comitting a crime, after years of pouring so much into them? We can't give up on them since they are also humans, and also because they may be minors. We are legally bound to suffer their tormenting? That sounds harsh, but that's the fact of the matter.
ReplyDeleteBetty, I found you after searching for support groups or blogs about sociopathic children (my nephew is a probable candidate). You are one of the few hits I found.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you and your family are happy and healthy. I'd love to hear if your efforts were successful, and if you are ok.
I'd like to approach you with a plea to start a fb group, a digital course or product, a meetup group...something!
You stated the numbers yourself...there are so many psychopaths out there, and even more sociopaths. And FAR more loved ones of psychopaths and sociopaths. Therapists aren't creating the communities of support that people need. Please please do this!
Found hope or faith,not sure.never had anyone to talk so this blog is God send (for me).can't say more for now,pain (panic)is creeping.will say more in time.Thank you
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is also a psychopath don't believe the stats there are loads more as it is a really an evolutionary benefit to be one. Look at who are running the countries? I left my daughters father whilst pregnant with her I also have an older son by him. He is a psychopath and got really abusive after the 20 week scan and he discovered we were having a daughter I left him despite having limited options to save her and I have a remained a single mum bringing up psychopathic daughter it sucks!!! My son is the opposite an empath so I try not to blame myself I think there must be a psychopathy gene as she has in no way been neglected or abused quite the opposite until recently when I got drunk took an overdose and after being goaded by her attacked her. Recently I have become alcoholic as I am sandwiched between personality disorders my mother is a toxic narcissist she also lives with me I have complete sympathy for you it is hell dealing with female personality disorders is particularly difficult as they are much better at manipulating other people. I have happily held my hands up as an abuser which for once I was after suffering years of abuse because it has meant she (17years) old has been housed away from me for her protection what a laugh but I am thankful finally she is out of my life she still has access to my bank account which is all she cares about and is fine. It's such a waste she is so mega bright and beautiful on the outside but there is literally no humanity thereand I don't think I'll ever recover from being with and giving birth to a psychopath a different species it should be imnpossible!
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