Meet My Family

My youngest son, 11 years old, just came home from the store which is half a block away. When he got in the house, he turned off the cell phone - I was on the line with him the whole time.  His sister, 12, trotted in behind him with this weeks Slurpee's, YUM!  Once she entered the house, she locked the two door locks as my son turned the house alarm back on and greeted our guard dog.

Pretty normal for mid-day at our home.  It's amazing what you can get used to, what becomes normal.  A couple of years ago there would have been no cell phone, no dog, no alarm system. Of course, a couple of years ago, my oldest daughter hadn't yet tried to kill my two youngest children, we didn't know she was a psychopath and we lived in oblivious happiness.   

Before I continue on, I should introduce you to my family.  Tom is my husband.  Of course, that's not his real name.  He's a great friend and lover, a good father and a very kindhearted person. He is so funny - every day he makes me laugh!  Honest - soo honest! I fell in love with how honest he is, but then again,  I am often uncomfortable with how honest he is! :-)    I feel fortunate to have found Tom, there are not many people on this planet like him - too bad.  When we married I was a single mom with an infant.  Tom adopted this child without hesitation, and loved her as he loved our other children. 

Sam is 11, our youngest child.  He is an almost typical 11 year old: funny, quick with a joke, kind hearted like his father, quick to temper and uncomfortable with too many emotions; loves people and can easily get lost in 'making friends.  When Sam is tired of the company  of others, he has no problem taking his leave; loves learning and numbers, is competitive and is learning how to loose with grace. Over the last two years he has 'developed' post-traumatic stress disorder often hiding in cupboards or under beds when he hears a noise in the house or when his Dad is not home. 

Cindy is our 'middle' child at 12 years old.  She is outgoing to a fault, and has more personality than she knows what to do with!  Sometimes we clash... okay, often we clash - sometimes she has more personality than either of us know what to do with. She is an artist at heart, very creative - finding inspiration in almost everything.  Her life is full of passion, and the lives of everyone around her is touched by this passion.  She feels emotions deeply and when they have run their course, she can let them go.  She is very loving and  forgiving and enjoys all people - no matter what age.  I am so often amazed by her!  Lately she has become afraid to 'connect' to anyone - 'you never know who could be a psychopath!' is her latest saying.

And that brings us to Kathy.  She is 18 years old - just had a birthday not too long ago.  She is a very pretty girl, gets along with everyone - really - EVERYONE loves this kid.  She is extremely personable!  I have never seen anything like it, even when she was a baby she could get anyone at all to smile at her.  When she was in school, she could do no work what-so-ever and the teacher would smile and tell her how great she was doing and give her excellent marks.  She could take the money out of your wallet and you would thank her for doing it - that's not even much of an exaggeration.  Of course there are some people that did/do not respond to her in that way, but they are few and far between - and she quickly stayed out of their range.  Kathy is also very smart, her IQ is only a couple of points away from 'genius'.  That's a bad combination - a genius psychopath.  She is also very lazy.  That is our saving grace - the 'gift' god gave her (or us really) -she is lazy to a fault.

And then there is me.  I have just turned forty.. ugh! Grey hair is growing in all the wrong places now - I even found one in my eyelashes last week!  Who I am in a nutshell: have my own business (with Tom) and several letters at the end of my name.  My husband and I work together as consultants to individuals and businesses across North America (we work around 3 to 8 days a month), on the days I am not working I focus on whatever is my latest interest, or just hang out with my family.  Its a pretty good life really, I get to do what I love and spend the rest of my time with the people I love.

 Lately though, I have been finding it difficult to cope and the people I love have been finding it difficult to cope with me.  I cry all the time, sometimes I am just going about my day and I find that my face is wet with tears that I didn't even know I was crying.  I am cranky too - that's a good and kind word for *itchy!  The *itchyness is leaking out from a very large pool of anger that is growing inside of me all the time.  So in a nutshell:  I am a cranky, sad mother who is currently pregnant with anger and disillusioned with life, love and god!

 Maybe through this blog I can...i don't know... make it less...make it better, make it easier.  Figure this thing out and eventually find a better balance of health and 'normal'.  Maybe I can find other people like us, who have no one else to talk to - and together we can figure it out.  So if your out there, and you understand this experience, I would love to hear from you!